Just seen PRIME-TIME, aka TRANSFORMERS: ROTF (review)
Jun 30th, 2009 | By Vidar Daatland | Category: Entertainment, Film, ReviewsIn most cases only kids in the age of 8-12 will be smart enough to see the genius that is Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.
This is crash, boom, bang, like reading something with CAPS LOCK in almost EVERY SINGLE SENTENCE. The best word to sum it up is INSANE. It’s surrealistic, a film that probably is best understandable if you’ve eaten the same drug-muffins as Sam’s mother. In retrospect, I would absolutely love to see this one while drunk. It’s almost to bad I seldom drink more than two beers. This is a fun summer-action film on drugs, it’s that crazy. And like listening to weed-smokers, it’s entertaining but oh so confusing.
Guns are blazing, evil Decepticon heads are ripped off and in the horizon giant Decepticon testicles swings by threatening to crush puny little humans. Yes, you read right. Transformer-balls. It really sounds awful, I know, but for some insane reason it was hilarious. I was near choking of laughter, for a short moment of time I got that wonderful Dumb & Dumber feeling (great comedy). Luckily the kid inside me is not dead yet, this film is a true test of that. Like in the first Transformers film, he needs to be alive for this to be a success.
This film is pure maniac mansion, it’s madness and for some insane reason the most maddening parts in most cases were the most fun and mind-blowing. Stretching 2 ½ hours you should think they would have all the time in the world to explore the story, but there’s just to much fighting and explosions (sorry, I mean BAYsplosions) going on that it should have another hour or so to really put the pieces together. With $50 million more to spend than the first robot go-around, Mr. Bay has put so many money-shots that they’re actually OVERLAPPING each other. He’s spoiling us silly and it’s so much that we are in the risks of turning into spoiled brats that forget to truly see what fun-action magic he serves us.
Oh, and by the way, some people will tell you to switch of your brain for a film like this. That may be so, this is supposed to be summer fun and nothing else. But with the sprint-pacing you’ll have a hard time getting a hold of what the hell is going on if you don’t pay attention. Fans will have little problems, they know about The Matrix, The Fallen, Jetfire and combiners. But it will hurt for those who’s not done their Transformers homework. And let’s face it, few want to do homework before watching a film. If you come out of this looking like you’ve been transformed into a giant question mark, google a bit and it may give a little more sense.
Nice pussycat
But for the kids, and the grown ups with the superpower of vivid imagination (unfortunately lacking in most people over 18) will have little trouble filling in the gaps and off-screen happenings. This will be the FUN action experience of a lifetime, with loads of WTF-moments.
To quickly summarize the story, big evil Decepticons are roaming the earth in search for the Matrix (no, not the Neo-thingy Matrix), so that they can give it to The Fallen (the first of the Decepticons, with his creepy villa on Mars) so he can use it to start a device that will suck all the power out of our sun – creating energon. Energon you say? Yes, energon wich is the power source for the Transfomrers. Unfortunately not very well explained in the film, along with a lot of other things in the Transformers mythology. There’s a war going on in this one, so they’re to busy blowing things up, leaving a big part of the audience wondering about tons of unexplained things. A bit of a bummer for them, but luckily I as a fan had no problem and enjoyed a lot of the more hidden stuff lurking behind every noisy explosion.
Fortunately we have Optimus Prime on the humans side. And let me tell you, he his so AWESOME that it’s worth the ticket-price. Twice. Just to re-watch the awesome Decepticon ass-whooping scenes. This film should have be titled TRANSFORMERS: PRIME-TIME. He gave me permanent goose-bumps and I noticed that I actually have hairs on my back. I now feel like a hedgehog, I could pierce people with stiff back-hair. Ugh.
Sam’s also back, played nicely by Shia Labeouf. And Megan Fox is back for the guys, mostly in slow-motion running with boobs swinging. She’s got so much make-up it’s hard to see her face. It may sound weird that I in this film find hot chicks annoying, but frankly I’d rather have more of Sideswipe and Soundwave than the camera trying to rape the not so talented Fox. No I’m not gay, I’m just transformed into an 8-year old when watching this. So give me a break, won’t you? She worked much better in the first film, where she had more purpose. In this she’s pure eye-candy, but this kid wants the candy to be giant ass-whooping robots.
I waited 20 years for the first film, spent my childhood dreaming about how it would be to see Optimus on the big screen. In pre-production I was sceptical and cynical, I read the script a year in advance and hated it. But translated onto the screen it was pure orgasmic. I loved it, watching the epic scene with Optimus revealed for the first time. 20 years of hope and dream came true. I didn’t expect this second one to match the first, and I was right about that.
It’s stripped of the coolness the first one had and it’s to short for me. There’s a lot more transformers in this one, but still I would prefer more focus on the robots rather than the humans. They’re still to much bystanders, although not of the passive type. There’s tons of unused potential here, they’re barely scratching the surface. But action-loving not-transformers fans will care less. They have record-breaking action to please them.
Sloppy script work and Mr. Bay with little interest in exploring the mythology any further is to blame for the lesser parts. Why waste time on a totally unnecessary new room-mate for Sam? He’s a total waste. But bearing in mind that the Hollywood strike really messed things up in the script department it’s understandable, but I’m not giving them a free pass for that reason. I feel a bit sorry for the poor bastards that likes to count bullets and that demands tea-spoon explanations to whats going on. They’ll hate this one, spending time filling the Internet up with cynicism.
Bay even gives the haters a little uppercut with a not so subtle comparison to the Decepticons, in a little speech by the funny old Jetfire. I suspect that Mr. Bay actually tries to provoke the critics of the first one with this one. I can’t help but to admire that, although it would be nice if he spent more time listening to us that loved the first one rather than wasting time on those who no matter what will hate what he makes. It won’t be hard t0 understand if people dislikes this one, I’m just glad I’m on the Optimist Prime side of things and not on Negatrons team. Bay does’nt seem to care to try to win any of them over, but then again it’s not like he’s lacking an audience.
On the positive side the action is kick-ass and the Prime-time moments are Clint Eastwood type of awesomeness. It’s a war film and so it’s very confusing, as it should be in a war zone. Nobody gets more action out of every dollar spent like Mr. Bay (guys like Sam Raimi and Gore Verbinski would have spent twice as much). Most people that liked the first one will like this one too. But the main exception may be the female audience. My girlfriend had a blast with the first, but I think all the war-fighting madness got a bit boring and it got a bit too long. The first one was better for the general audience
For kids it’s probably far better than the first one. There’s non-stop action. For me the best moments were Prime-time and silly jokes (but not as funny as the first). Lovable stereotypes and over the top humor that for some insane reason worked. There’s no popcorn big enough to bring along for this ride. The film is a little out of sync at times, and in a couple of parts it’s at the risk of going totally of the tracks. But luckily it manages to bounce back. Shaking all the way due to massive explosions. As a side-note, no way in hell that it’s impossible to put Dinobots in this universe. It’s fun stupid madness, so just put them in will ya! And with all the action we’ll probably be fine with less action, less Shia and Megan and more of the real stars next time around: Giant f**cking robots (sorry for the swearing mom!).
The Verdict
I feel like a spoiled brat not giving this a top grade, because it gives what it promises; Fun action popcorn-flick. And for the kids this is perfect. They will get it. For me the first one was superior, but this is a sequel that’s a great add-on. Mr. Bay has succeeded in making a film that’s probably too awesome and many minds will short circuit. It’s so political incorrect and Mr. Bay stretches both stereotypes, humor, action and crazy mad-editing to areas no man has gone before. Yes, Devastator has big balls. Almost as big as the ones Mr. Bay has. He’s no coward and luckily he’s not one that tries to kiss critics rusty old arse, and he gives the moralists out there the finger. If that type of boldly arrogance makes it a better or worse film is up to you to decide, but I think even the haters will admit that he’s showing great (provoking) integrity. I had fun and more than anything I look forward to my kids watching this.
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You know what I say about this movie? It’s incredibly bad, but still too much fun not to like.
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